If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?

As a kid, my parents always told me to be my own person, to rise above the mire of expectations and social pressure, and do what I thought was the right thing to do.

"If all your friends jumped off a cliff," they'd ask me, "would you jump too?"

"No way!" I'd reply indignantly. "That would be stupid!"

"That's right, sweetheart," they'd tell me. "Don't let anyone pressure you into anything you don't want to do."

Really good advice, actually, and it so happened that this is one of the few things I listened to them about. As a result, I often stood out in a group, but not for good reasons. I was the perpetually untidy looking kid, the kid who didn't care about her appearance, and it showed. I was the kid who didn't live up to her potential, the kid who never put in enough effort. As the years passed, I morphed into a gangly, awkward teenager, who didn't wear make up or wear pretty girly clothes, and who made it a point not to worry about what anybody else thought about her. I avoided social situations like dances and parties - I didn't try to fit in, and I never really did. Don't get me wrong, I had friends - wonderful, warm friends, a few of whom I am in constant contact with even now. But otherwise, I was almost invisible, nowhere near a blip on the tumultuous social radar.

Now that I'm a mother, I find myself constantly questioning what I should be teaching my daughter. Obviously, I want her to be an independent, strong-willed person. I want her making her own decisions, want her never to be manipulated into doing something she doesn't want to. So, at some point, I anticipate asking her whether she would follow her friends off a cliff.

But a part of me wonders - is it so wrong to want to fit in? I know that left unchecked, it could be a slippery slope, but sometimes, just sometimes, isn't it okay to do something you don't really want to do because everyone else is doing it? To go for a dance that all your friends are going to so that you're not the only anti-social person in the group? To spend your pocket money on something frivolous instead of saving it like your parents have always told you to? To worry more what people will think of your prom dress than about what grade you got on your Math test?

I guess, in the end, like everything else in life, it's all a question of balance. Don't let other people think for you, but once in a while, make exceptions. It's okay to want to be liked and accepted as long as you keep sight of what's important for you, as an individual. I guess my advice to my daughter would probably be - Don't follow your friends off a cliff, but it might be okay to jump into a muddy puddle with them sometimes.

The stereotypical colleague ....

I currently work with a person of the same nationality as me, who, unfortunately, gives other co-workers of my nationality a bad name.

Some of the things he does.

1. Does not care about personal appearance or hygiene: He does not believe in body sprays and deodorants, and as a result, anyone coming within a few feet of him has to wrinkle their nose in disgust.

2. Speaks his native language at office: He seeks other individuals of his own nationality, and speaks (and gossips about colleagues) in his native language, while at work.

3. Has a poor grasp of the English language: His written and oral communication is not good, and colleagues frequently wonder exactly what he means. In one email, he typed "Sterilization" when he meant "serialization", and he does not believe in spell-checking his documents.

4. Is set in his ways: He is set in his beliefs and ways, and makes no effort to adapt.

5. Is obnoxious and boorish: He lacks proper etiquette and manages to offend almost everyone.

6. Associates only with people of the same nationality: He makes no effort to socialize with anyone other than people from his country.

Because of the above, I am obviously embarrassed if people associate me with him simply because we come from the same country. So please, don't judge the entire basket based on one bad apple. The other apples may be trying desperately to distance themselves from the bad one, but might find themselves in the same basket anyway!

Weight loss status

December was a month of gastro-intestinal excess. Cakes, cookies, pastries, donuts, treats of every kind somehow made their way into my tummy and the scale smugly stated that I was 5 lbs heavier than I was at the beginning of the month.

Oh well, 'tis the season to be jolly, after all.

But come January 4th (hey, I had to enjoy the New Year weekend too) and I went on Atkin's induction. I was very, very good for 2 weeks. No sugar, no carbs except in veggies, no nuts, no fruits. Just protein and veggies. It worked for me - I wasn't hungry, I felt good, and when I checked today, I had lost all of December's weight and a few lbs more.

Unfortunately, this meant a trip to Carneys for a tuna-melt sandwich, half a hot dog, fries and a strawberry ice-cream shake. Ugh. And then tea and cookies in the afternoon. Double ugh. But that was my reward for being good, and I'm going back to eating healthy starting tomorrow.

Really, I mean it! I've lost about 20 lbs since last year, and I'm not putting it back! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

These are a few of my favorite things

I seem to only want to write when I have something I want to vent about, so I thought I'd try a change - talk about the things that make me happy.

1. When my daughter runs to me to give me a hug after I get back from home.
2. When hubby offers a kind ear at the end of a hard day
3. When something that I thought would be a lot of work turns out to be really simple.
4. Talking to family and friends (provided we're not arguing :-))
5. Watching all the antics of my daughter.
6. Reading a really good story or watching a great movie.
7. Stepping out of a building into a beautiful, sunny day
8. Watching the raindrops outside the window
9. Getting to know about an uplifting true story
10. Realizing how lucky I am, though I may frequently complain about things.

Okay, I feel better writing that.

Toodle-doo.

Venting - good or bad?

So how do people deal with issues with illogical rage, I wonder. For me, I try to whine as often as I can ;) But there are still things bottled up, which aren't addressed either because -

a. I don't feel comfortable discussing it
or
b. I am chicken-shit and evade the issue

In either case, the most common outcome is that at some point there's a catalyst which blows everything out of proportion - I explode at some unsuspecting victim and the world watches in horrified shock. Well, not the world, of course, I don't think I am that narcissistic, but there are often on-lookers who have to wonder - "Where did that come from?"

So what's better - talking till people's ears pop about every single issue that bothers you or keeping it all inside until you have a potent mix waiting to be unleashed on a minor offender? How can I find that balance, I wonder.

Most often, though, explosions aren't as bad as they initially seem. They normally unearth some ignored, often deep-seeded issue which can then be worked on. I had a long talk with my boss about pair programming today. It was a good converation. I think I need a whole new post on pair programming :) All in good time.

I was also thinking that being a good listener is such an unhealthy quality. Do you really want people to feel comfortable enough to discuss all their problems with you? There's only so much you can take before you say "Too bad, so sad." after all. Note to self: Try to be uncaring when people talk to you about their problems. And that's so tough cos you know I am sooooooo caring :)

Finally a blogger...

All right, so I've finally joined the blogging bandwagon. Had I known it was this easy to start, I probably would have started ages ago. Or not. I am kind of a lazy bugger that way.

So, hubby should finally be happy that I have a blog - he's been telling me to get one forever. I whine about a lot of things, my job, my life, other people's lives - I guess it's just easier to put all my whines into one neat little package online. Gets things off my chest and I don't offend too many people by saying things directly to their face. Win-win huh?